It is pretty common for people to use phrases that are widely accepted in our society such as, “I am such a klutz,” or “can’t have your cake and eat it, too.” We think nothing of those expressions, and yet patterns of thought get energized overtime and live in our subconscious. It got me thinking, what are some common words we use that actually kill our dreams and hinder our success? Furthermore, how can we tell if a word or phrase is going to cause us to be unsuccessful? A quick way to test a word or phrase is to notice how you feel when you use them. Do you feel expansive and more alive, or do you feel contracted and negative? From this simple test and through my experience both in life and with clients, phrases that include one of these four words usually prevent us from seeing our vision for a life we would love come true.
Should- The word “should” is usually used when we “should” do something, but we aren’t really excited about it. I used to tell myself, “I should go for a jog today,” or “I should reach out to this person.” If you really think about it, this produces very contracted feelings! Living passionately and feeling alive isn’t in harmony with “should.” Here’s what to say instead. If you hear yourself saying, “I should do the laundry,” flip it to, “I know that I have some laundry to do. When would I love to do that?” Or, “Exercise is good for me. Which exercise would I love to do today?” This is a much more expansive way of living!
Guilty- I have heard many family members, friends and clients say they feel “guilty” about things for which they have done no wrongdoing. An example, “I feel guilty that I make such a good living, and my brother is just struggling to make ends meet.” This is a very contractive and not accurate use of the word. Guilty implies intent to harm. Guilty means we have done something wrong. If you are living a good life, you have done nothing wrong and are not trying to harm another. What a more accurate description of the emotion is that most people think of as “guilt” is actually sadness or compassion or a lack of control. What the person is really feeling here, is that they would love for their brother to live a more abundant life. A rising tide lifts all boats! If we are living the life we love, there is no wrongdoing, and therefore, guilt is not an appropriate term.
Want- This one is subtle. It has to do with our subconscious. The subconscious emotionalizes thoughts the conscious mind gives to it. If we are constantly thinking about what we want, the subconscious mind emotionalizes wanting, wishing, and that has a feeling of lack to it. If we tell the subconscious an image of the life we would love living instead, there is no sense of lack, and it actually believes the image is already happening in our lives. So, if you want a deeper, more thriving relationship for example, focus on the image of what that would look like, whether it be a big hug, laying in bed on a Sunday morning and chatting with a partner, or sharing a glass of wine by the fire holding hands. Your subconscious will emotionalize that image, rather than the feeling of want. When an image you love is energized in the subconscious it helps your conscious mind to take actions in harmony with expansion and not lack.
Try- “I will try.” Ah! The killer of dreams and success. There is no such thing! We are either doing something, or not doing it. You may fail, yes. You may succeed, yes. But you cannot succeed with as weak of an attempt as, “I’ll try.” Instead, begin saying, “I am doing this!” The energy is so much more powerful and expansive. Try actually implies the expectation of failure; it’s a defense mechanism. Do you want to expect failure, or do you want to expect success? Your vision and dreams are actually a sacred soul path between you and the Infinite. If you are truly in love with your dreams and would love to see them realized, make a decision for that life.
Notice over the next week how many times you use the words should, guilt, want and try. Replace them with more expansive words. See how it affects your mood and your results! Leave a comment below with questions or to share your experience.
With Love and Blessings,
Lauren Brollier